Monday, March 31, 2008

BLOG HASH: There is no Dog, only Zuul!

Original Post Date: Friday December 2, 2005

For those of you that know me, you all know i do NOT spout religious dogma or the like. But someone asked me what my true beliefs were, and I wrote the following fable to show EXACTLY how I believe the divine is. It's kinda long, so pull up a chair....


Agog and His Search

By: Eric Craig

Once, there was a man named Agog. He was a normal man in every respect, except one. He really wanted to know the truth about the divine. He wanted to know soo bad, he always stayed up late at night, pouring over books about religion, God, and all of it's aspects. He didn't find anything that rang true to him as a definite answer to the question- what is God? He fell asleep extremely late one night right on top of his books.

"GOD WAS HERE!" Agog woke with a jump, and looked out of his window early the next day. There was a well-dressed preacher, running through the street, crying in happiness, screaming "GOD WAS HERE!" Agog went outside and stopped the preacher.

"God was here? Where did he go?" Agog asked.

Sobbing and pointing up the road, the preacher smiled. "Yes! That way!" and before Agog could ask what God looked like, the preacher ran off in the other direction, spreading his words.

Agog took off up the road. By-and-by, he came upon a tall, gruff looking man with a beard sitting on the side of the road. The bearded man was looking at a little pile of wood blocks, with funny letters carved upon them. Agog asked him, "Have you seen God? What did he look like?". The bearded man beamed. "Aye, I did. He was a tall warrior. He had wild white hair, carried an oak staff, and it seemed as if the seas would bow before him, for you could almost hear the waves. And he gave me these..." The bearded man pointed at the small pile of blocks. Agog took off running up the road, anxious to finally meet God.

By-and-by, Agog came upon another man, this one was walking up the road, wearing long grey robes, and walking with a staff. He thought this might be God, so he called out "God?". The man turned around, and Agog saw that he wasn't the old warrior the bearded man described. "Hardly!" the robed man laughed. "But he just flew by, a while ago." This stopped Agog. "Flew?" he asked. "Yes. God is a giant dragon. He slowed just long enough to wrap his huge wings around me for a protection blessing. He then took to the sky, and with a mighty roar, breathed fire into the air, and departed." Agog believed the robed man, for he still could smell the heavy smoke in the air. Agog took off running up the road, scanning the sky for a glimpse of God.

By-and-by, as Agog was running, he tripped over an old woman kneeling and praying in the road. "Sorry," Agog apologised, "I was looking for God." The old woman brushed herself off and chuckled, "That's Ok, God teaches forgiveness. But He wasn't in the air, he walked with me, and even helped me for a while." Again confused, Agog asked, "What did he look like?" The old woman smiled, "He was a handsome young man with long hair. He wore white robes, and had holes in his wrists. He had died for us, but now he walks among us again! He even changed my waterbag into the finest wine!" Agog, thirsty for more knowledge, took off running up the road again.

By-and-by, Agog ran right pass a young woman leaning against a tree. He stopped and turned to her, "Have you seen the God walk by?" The woman looked at him, "THE God? Silly, don't you know God is TWO people?" Agog froze in his spot, "Two?" "Yes," she continued, "Two. A noble Lord and a beautiful Lady. The Lord shone with the brilliance of the sun, while the Lady sparkled with the coolness of the moon. They taught me many things, and as they walked around in a circle, all the plants grew!" Sure enough, Agog looked around, and all the plants had wildly overgrown in the area, brimming with beautiful flowers. There was even a ring of toadstools growing about the young woman. Agog took off running up the road, once again.

By-and-by, Agog came upon a young man, dressed only in a loincloth, painting pictures right upon the ground.. "Have you seen God?" he asked. The young man stood, "Yes. The Great Spirit was with us today." "Us?" Agog asked. The young man pointed off the side of the road. There, playing together, were a bear, a wolf, a deer, and a horse. Agog was amazed. "What did God look like?" The young man spread his arms wide to the sky, "The Great Spirit is over all. He is everywhere. He is invisible. Sometimes he's in a tree, sometimes an arrow. He helps us grow in peace, and even protects us from enemies." Agog was unsure if he could see something invisible, but took off up the road nonetheless.

Agog came upon many other people on the road. They were old, young, man, woman, and of many different races. But all had seen God. He continued so far up the road, that he wasn't even sure where he was, and the sun was starting to set. Agog turned for home to continue looking through his books, when he heard a voice say his name. "Agog, why do you give up?" He turned, and saw himself sitting on a boulder by the road. Agog stood transfixed. He did not have any siblings or family alive, so this could not be a relative. "Are you God?" Agog asked. "Yes." God stated simply. Agog approached him gingerly. "I have been looking for you for a long time. I have met a lot of people who have seen you or know you, and they all give me descriptions, but they all saw something different." God stood and put his hand on Agog's shoulder. "Everyone sees Me differently because they know where to look for Me. They know when they have found Me, and accept Me how they see Me. " Agog hung his head sheepishly, and asked "Then why do you look exactly like me?" God playfully pushed Agog's shoulder, and crossed his arms with a smirk, "Because you are still seeking me. You know where to find me now. So go there!" Agog looked up at God, and mirrored his smirk. "You're right...I do!" Agog took off down the road, and ran all the way home. He burst into his room, and hurriedly shuffled through all his books, stopping on one. "There you are!" Agog exclaimed with glee. He put the rest of the books upon his shelf, and happily read.

The moral of the story is: What book did Agog choose? That is what we each have to decide for ourselves.

BLOG HASH: Scenes from a video-store...

Original Post Date: Wednesday February 15, 2006

I used to be a manager of a local Blockbuster Video store. I was reminiscing today about old jobs and dealing with the general public (thank the gods I currently do NOT work in a customer service job anymore). Here are some TRUE stories of "Eric: Manager from Hell"...


Set up: Blizzard conditions. I was the ONLY employee/manager who lived close enough who could make it in. One of the busiest renting days- between Christmas & New years. I was ALONE on shift for 6 hours, a customer line to the back wall of the store, and a HUGE pile of returns I hadn't gotten to yet...

Man: ..."the late-fees are just unacceptable. I want to talk to the manager!"

Me: "Not a problem, sir." *spins around slowly 360 degrees* "Can I help you? I'm the manager."

Man: *obviously peeved* "That's it. I'm taking my money somewhere else!"

Me: "I don't think the multimillion dollar corporation will miss your $3.25 today, sir."

Man: "Well, I'm never coming back here AGAIN!"

Me: "That's OK sir, the worst possible thing you could do to me WOULD be to come back again. Have a nice day."

...for about an hour after that incident- every customer in line was pleasant and paid thier late fees without question....and dont ask me how 400 customers that day could make it in to the store, but not another single employee couldn't....


Set up: A mother and her 15 year old daughter walks up to the counter. The mother is in her early 40's, the daughter is very physically developed...

Woman: "My daughter is having a sleep-over tonight. Why is this rated 'R'? Does this movie have any nudity in it? *hands me the movie BLADE (Westley Snipes)*

Me: "No, but there are some decapitations, extreme violence, and people getting covered in blood."

Woman: "Oh...but no nudity, right?"

Me: *looking dumbfounded* "No...but you'd have your daugher and her friends watch someone being gutted, rather than see something they look at in the shower every day?"

Woman: *serious, matter-of-fact tone* "Exactly, they don't need to see that yet."

Me: *even more confused, quietly rents out BLADE to them*


Set Up: Woman hurridly brings up her 3 yr old son to the counter...

Woman: "My son just threw up on your children's section, I'm sorry. He was extremely ill today, so I wanted to take him out to get a movie."

Me: *perterbed for not leaving a SICK CHILD at home* "That's ok- hang on a sec-" *reaches under counter and holds out a roll of paper towels to woman*

Woman: "I'm NOT going to clean up my son's vomit!"

Me: *now confused AND perterbed* "Then I'm not going to rent you that movie."

...woman storms out. I wish she HAD cleaned it up- evidentally it was projectile vomit down the WALL, behind a ton of movies sitting on the shelves. Luckily I'M the manager- and I had other employees to 'delegate' things to that day...


Set Up: Late one night. the store had just closed at midnight. luckily there were no other customers in the store milling about, so I locked the doors exactly on 12:am. ...ten minutes later...

Man: *bangs rudely on window to get my attention, yells thru glass* "Sir?"

Me: *walks over to glass near drop-box* "Yes?"

Man: *puts video in drop box* "Check that in now, so it's not late."

Me: *WAS going to check it in for him, but he was rude and bossy* "I'm sorry, it's 10 past midnight."

Man: "You're telling me that since it's only 10 minutes late, you'll charge a fee?"

Me: "Yes, I'm sorry, but all videos are due by Midnight."

Man: "There should be some leeway for people who drop it off close to the due time!"

Me: *being sarcastic* "Like a cut-off time for when it's actually late?"

Man: "Yes, like a final deadline"

Me: *amused now* "OH, i forgot- there IS a cut-off time!"

Man: *hopeful* "Really? what is it so i know for next time?"

Me: "Midnight"

Man: *confused* "But...."

Me: *lying my ass off* "The tapes are ACTUALLY due at 11:50 pm, we just don't tell anyone- we give everyone 10 minutes leeway, so the cutoff time is Midnight."

Man: *pissed that he missed even the leeway* "Well, that's just stupid" *starts walking to car*

Me: "I think this is stupid, too, sir."

...I ended up checking it in for him and waving the late fees anyways- he amused me.


Employees loved me, customers hated me, other managers wanted to be me (and get away with saying what they WANTED to). I worked for good Ol' Blockbuster for 6 years, and accumulated many funny tales. I am also one of the only managers to be blacklisted for re-employment. ...But thats a story for ANOTHER day...

BLOG HASH: Who's down with OCD? Yeah, you know me!

Original Post Date: Wednesday April 12, 2006

Well, I don't know why (perhaps a blog is another type of OCD), but it's time to scare you all again!

I'm posting some personal info anbout myself, that maybe even my WIFE doesn't know. (don't worry- not THAT personal)

I have some OCD behaviors. I'm hoping that you'll read the list- and either get a good laugh- or post a comment with your own quirks...or possibly stop talking to me...

heres just SOME of the odd things I do- and YES, all are TRUE. However, I'm not super-bad at things like the really freaky people you see or hear stories about. If I don't do one of my "quirks" when I have the chance, I only obsess over it for several seconds, and then I can forget it and move on. I DON'T "have" to stop what I'm doing to go back and "fix" things....:

1. Before going to bed, I have to check the alarm clock 3 times in rapid succession to make sure it's set on the right wake time, in the AM, and that the alarm is truly turned on.

2. When showering, if I turn around in one direction, I have to "unwind" in the opposite direction as many # of turns as I did.

3. When I hear things on the radio such as "the London Stock Exchange" or "the Burtrold Business of Landscaping and Architecture", I have to spell the acronym in my head (eg: L-S-E, or B-B-L-A)

4. when composing any email (or blog), I re-read it. Several times. Then, AFTER sending it, I re-read the original email sent to me, followed my my response I just sent. I guess it's to make sure I didnt miss anything.

5. My DVD, VHS, (& CD) collection is in perfect alphabetical order, except that all sequels/prequels are together, reguardless of alphabetization, starting where the first movie would be (eg: all "Indiana Jones" movies are under "Raiders of the Lost Ark")

6. When locking/closing any door behind me I have to re-check the lock/handle to make sure it's actually closed, at least once more.

7. Speaking of movies- when I see a movie, I have to watch any sequel/prequel that comes out after it, reguardless of how crappy the first movie was.

8. I push down ALL of the little bubble-indicators on top of my fast-food soda cups whenever I get one. (this one has a good side effect- it helps identify my cup when eating out in a large group)

9. It REALLY bugs me to have pictures on my digital camera. I have to download them ASAP, organize them into thier proper folder on the hard drive, and wipe the cameras memory clean.

10. I have to at least ATTEMPT to pet every dog/cat that I come across during a day.

11. When I eat hot-dogs, each hot dog w/bun gets only ONE packet of ketchup, each. (If I don't have "packets" and only a bottle, it gets one stripe down each side of the bun where the bun & dog meet)

12. I like to stack things. Biggest/heaviest on bottom, smallest/lightest on top.

13. similar to #12, I have to organize books on the bookshelf from biggest to smallest. Weird that I don't put them in ABC order like my movies. Don't ask...I don't know why either.

14. When drinking soda/water from a plastic bottle, I have to put the cap back on after every drink. (I don't think it's a germ-thing, I just don't want to lose the cap- again, don't know why)

15. I like to make things even. (eg.: If I see 2 bowls with 3 pieces of candy in one, and 5 in the other, I have to even them out. I discard or eat the odd pieces.)

16. LOL - I like to number things when I list them. Or use the "outline" form when organizing a grocery list or my thoughts in a notebook.

17. I like to fill out forms. All boxes and blanks must be full, even if it's with a "N/A"

18. All of my clocks/watches/timekeepers/computers have to be syncronized to the second. (My wife has done wonders on helping me get "out" of this one...I cant remember the last time we were early to something) ;) *smack* ow...sorry honey....

19. I can't stand the feeling of suede, velvet, things lightly fuzzy like that. When I touch it, my hands get a feeling similar to what your ears do as nails go down a chalkboard. I then have to quickly touch something glass, plastic, or rougher to get rid of the feeling (to "wipe it off"). This may be a texture-thing and not an OCD, but it's a quirk, nonetheless.

20. Text has to be left-justified, right justified, or centered. Several tabs in on one line and then only a few spaces in on the next is not allowed.

21. I really dont have ANY germ or cleaning phobias like normal OCD'ers, but the closest thing I guess I have is underneath my fingernails has to be cleaned out at east daily, or whenever I happen to see dirt under them. Maybe thats just good hygene.

22. I have a large vocabulary, but I'm a horrible speller, so I have to spell-check ALL my works. (the fact that Yahoo blog doesn't offer this bugs the crap outta me- and I even try to re-read my blog 6 or 7 times, but STILL miss miztaykes). :)

23. <----- the fact that some of these numbers distend in this particular font bugs the crap outta me too. I want the bottom to be even.

24. I frequently get songs (usually just the chorus or a few lines) stuck in my head, and they play over...and over...and over...and over....all day.. and even when I haven't heard that particular song that day. I can stop it quicker if I actually hear the entire song played somewhere.

25. I find it difficult to fall asleep if there's wrinkled blankets under my feet. Again, maybe a texture issue....

26. I also find it hard to fall asleep if there's a room light on anywhere else in the house (outdoor patio lights too), even if I can't see it from the bedroom. I KNOW it's on. (Nightlights or clock-displays don't count) Drapes, doors, windows, and other "closeables" have to all be closed as well.

27. Crayons, markers, paint, etc. has to be organized in one of 2 ways (depending on how many shades of color I'm organizing)- A.- Lightest to Darkest, or B.- ROYGBIV (according to the visual light spectrum).

28. Yes, I'm also one of those guys who outlines the tools hanging on the garage wall. And I give the typical answer too: "so I know what's missing". :)

29. This isnt an OCD, but I can NEVER FRIGGIN REMEMBER the correct way to spell: those (thoes), their (thier), awnser (answer), organise (organize), and a few other words like that, NO MATTER HOW MANY FRIGGIN TIMES I FIND OUT THE CORRECT WAY!....*sigh*

30. Chairs, knick-nacks, appliances, etc. should be arranged at 45 dgree angle increments, whenever possible. (I don't freak out if they get moved from it, I just postition it that way the FIRST time I organize something).

31. I have to push all of the creepy "singing toys" in a toy isle when I go down it. OK, this isn't an OCD, it's to bug/embarrass my wife. :)

32. I like to end lists on an even number, whenever possible. (I added the non-OCD one above just to even this list out.)

Well, do I scare you? Or make you say- Hey...I do that.....

Post some comments!!!

Friday, March 28, 2008

BLOG HASH: Year Of The Zombie!

Original Post Date: Thursday May 31, 2007

Are you a Zombie aficionado like me? Well, if so- 2007 will soon become the "Year of the Zombie!" (dubbed by me, first, right here!)
Here are some upcoming films this summer dealing with our friendly neighbourhood flesh-eaters:

28 Weeks Later: Sequel to 28 Days Later . British film. Not truly 'zombies' per-sae, but "rage infected people". I saw this one already and give it a thumbs-up, if you've seen the first one.

Day of the Dead: Yes, Romero made this one already, but like the others ( night and dawn) had, this one's the NEW remake of it!! Can't wait! (after last years land of the dead, i was disappointed in the franchise, and was hoping for more...)

Diamond Dead: Sounds like an odd cult-classic. Some lady has to kill 365 people, but enlists the help of a friend who was killed and is now a zombie....dunno about this one...

Diary of the Dead: Romero overseeing a Blair-witch like zombie movie. Weather it will be seen from the eyes of the cameras that the actors have with them (group of filmmakers in the woods making a horror movie gets attacked by zombies), or in the normal 3rd perspective, we'll wait and see. Takes place during the same night as the " night of the living dead" remake.

Fido: A zombie-comedy in the vein of "Shaun of the Dead " (LOVED S.O.T.D.). Set in 1950's post-zombie war America, where zombies have been domesticated thru the use of a special collar...

Grindhouse: A Quintin T. double-feature movie, in his normal blood-and-grit style. One of the movies, 'planet terror', has people defending themselves from zombie (like) creatures. Haven't seen this one yet- I'll let you know...

Out of Space : In the future we run out of landfill room, and the resulting waste and radioactivity creates hordes of zombies that plague the living.

Outpost: a Scottish film of a group of military people that are exploring an island devastated by WWII, and find a "survivor" of some horrible experiments...

Plane Dead: hehehe...a "remake" of snakes on a plane, except instead of snakes......wait for it.......ZOMBIES! I can't tell if this is supposed to be a true horror, or a tongue-in-cheek horror comedy like S.O.T.D.). One would hope...

Resident Evil: Extinction: Yeah baby! the 3rd in the resident Evil series! See the first 2 if you haven't already, before wading thru this one.

Zombie Town : If you've seen "Slugs" or the more recent "Slither", it's similar to these. Creepy parasites get in the heads of people turning them into zombies that attack the living. Again, hopefully a comedy-horror like "Slither"...

Barricade: German film guessed it...campers in the woods being harassed by those damn zombies..

That's all I've run across so far- if you find any more PLEASE let me know!!!
Here's a couple of more things for all you Zombie lovers:
Wikipedia List of Zombie Films
Zombie internet infection simulator

And last but not least- GET THIS BOOK! it will save your life someday!!!

BLOG HASH: Things I've Learned...

Original Post Date: Thursday February 8, 2007

Now that I'm a daddy, I have been thinking of how I will screw up this poor kid's life by letting them follow my examples... so I have decided to compose an ever-growing list of truths I have learned over the years in order for them to quickly learn NOT to do what daddy does, and to follow his learned wisdom.

1. Your parents, for the most part, DO know what they are talking about. This was the first (and hardest) one for me to learn, personally.

2. Do NOT drink 3 cups of coffee before driving to work on days that you will get stuck in traffic.

3. Also, Milk and alcohol do not mix. EVER. Nor should you drink them even HOURS apart.

4. Kiss as many puppies/kitties as you can. They have a better grasp on life, and you'll need their friendship.

5. It's OK to borrow money- just NEVER from family OR friends.

6. You can never make action figures explode "cool enough" with fireworks, ever. It only leads to disappointment, and the depletion of valuable childhood collectibles.

7. Also- for goodness sakes- keep a COUPLE of your toys unopened, and in mint condition. This goes for comic books too. You never know when you'll need extra college tuition or a down payment on a house.

8. It's OK to verbally defend yourself from verbal attack, just never attack them back. You never know when you might be in a situation for that person to help you in a time of need.

9. NEVER pick on the geeks or the nerdy. You never know when they will become your boss, or you will need your computer fixed.

10. You CAN NOT paraschute out of your bedroom window with a sheet. TRUST me.

11. While extremely funny and interesting, unless you OWN the microwave and don't care, never put a whole box of Marshmallow Peeps in there. This goes for silverware and pots too.

12. Paste, while an invaluable tool for gluing paper, makes a horrid snack. The results a few hours later are to be avoided.

13. It's not polite to make a beep-beep-beep noise at an extremely overweight person as she attempts to back out of a grocery isle.

14. Do not floor your car's gas while on ice. Aside from the obvious danger sliding around, you may hit dry pavement. Transmissions were apparently NOT designed for that kind of torque difference.

15. Never set anything on fire INSIDE or NEAR a house. Also- Don't shoot fireworks off if there has been a 2 month drought. OK...Just never set ANYTHING on fire, EVER.

16. When something calls for safety glasses (such as shooting a BB gun at a target with a solid concrete backer), go ahead and WEAR them. Looking dumb is the LEAST of your worries.

17. (This one I've learned recently) Don't try to take food from a pregnant lady. Or even talk to a pregnant lady when shes had a bad day. Go ahead and treat them like they are a nuclear device with the clock stopped at .01 seconds...

18. NEVER feed a puppy re-fried beans and leftover taco meat. There aren't enough paper towels in the WORLD....

19. Don't lick a super cold piece of metal. No matter HOW many times you've seen it on T.V.- the results are the SAME as the television, but they only humorously allude to the searing pain you will feel for weeks.

20. Never have sex on a beach WITHOUT PLENTY of towels, no matter how 'spontaneously romantic' you think it would be. Sand is evil.

21. Never try to "jump" your car. Your suspension is NOT the same as the General Lee's.

22. It is NOT cool for little boys to proclaim they like Rainbow Brite to their friends or in public, unless you think they will have a fabulous career as a hairdresser. Also, might want to have them leave their dollies at home, too.

23. DO NOT SWEAR TO YOUR TEACHERS, EVER. No matter how much mommy and daddy do. Yes your family might be cool and use profanity as every-day adjectives, but it's not proper in polite society, and will cause a soapy taste and lots of grounding.

24. Do NOT mouth-off to an officer of the law, even if you THINK you're in the right.

25. Those huge, nasty looking giant Stag Beetles that hold onto objects you stick in front of them pinch HARD - enough to break skin - and they don't let go. Same goes for hermit crabs.

26. Mud pies, while resembling chocolate and are fun to make, are NOT for consumption.

27. Only drink from the hose if YOU are controlling the force at which it is turned on.

28. Diesel cars do NOT like Gasoline. And coincidentally, vise-versa.

29. This one comes from my Grandpa- Keep your tires full, and your oil changed.

30. Dog food & treats were NOT designed with human taste buds in mind.

31. Caller ID has ruined crank calling.

32. Never play water balloon toss in the house. Nor have a squirt gun war. As a matter of fact, ALL water games, outside only.

33. NEVER use the phrase "well then, do it yourself!" with your parents. Also- Never sarcastically say "3!" when parents have already angrily counted to 2...

34. NEVER use silly-string to decorate anything, especially an automobile. Silly string eats paint, and dries harder than diamonds. Repairs are costly.

35. You can NOT outrun a pissed-off dog, no matter HOW small it is.

36. NEVER bring any fauna into the house to show your mother, no matter HOW cute it is. Also- only show dad if you've got some time to kill to learn animal science facts.

37. Never eat/drink something on a dare. This goes for the "3-mile-island" hot wings too. It's just a waste of money, and you'll STILL be hungry.

38. Do not shoot a can of aerosol ANYTHING with a BB gun because you want to see it explode. You are not a military sniper. That's the distance you'll have to be at to avoid any fallout and collateral damage.

39. You are NOT MacGuyver. It's always cheaper in the long run to buy the proper parts, to anything.

40. Items on this list, while possibly humorous, are NOT lies! PLEASE heed them!

this list is still growing...if anyone has any they want to add- post 'em!

BLOG HASH: A Toy Time of Year....

Original post date: Monday December 11, 2006

Well, as it's getting close to gift-giving holiday time, I've been reminiscing about all my old toys and loves of my childhood. You've seen all of those email forwards (Click here if you havent LOL) that take you back down a memory lane trip via the 1980's...well, here's MY little addition- with LINKS! And please, ADD your own (comment) with your favorite 80's things and links!

These are just some of the ones off of the top of my head...Come on- Post yours!!! Links would be a plus, but not necessary...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

BLOG HASH: Emma's Drinking Song

Original Post Date: Monday October 15, 2007

I wrote a song for my new baby Daughter, Emaline,'s sung to the tune of an Irish Jig, or Irish drinking song. I figured that was fitting since shes a lot Irish, and drinks like a fish! (ok , so it's just formula,...but if she's anything like her mum THAT will change!) :)

Emmas Song

Oh, there be highs,
and there be woes,
in the tale of Emma's song!
She's just been born,
it's September four,
so the tale is nar' too long!

Little Emma
gave a cry,
which said, hey world I'm here!
Five pounds and some,
had all her thumbs,
let's celebrate with beer! (Hear-hear!)

The family's gone,
it's time to sleep,
and buckle for the night.
But Em turned blue
and back again
that gave poor dad a fright!

She's ok
and so is dad,
they all begin to sing!
She's a cutie!
Such a doll!
A tiny little thing!

Oh, there be highs,
and there be woes,
in the tale of Emma's song!
She's got bold,
at one week old,
so the tale is nar' too long!

Little Em's
met all her kin,
everyone cheered loud!
Mum gave thanks,
and Em coo-cooed,
'n dad was real proud!

All the presents
are open now,
and in her room they sit,
Poor little thing,
is short of wing,
'nun her clothes do fit!

Mum and dad
has settled in,
happy tears they weep.
They love her so,
and watch her grow,
while lose'n all their sleep!

Oh, there be highs,
and there be woes
in the tale of Emma's song!
A heart of gold,
at four weeks old,
so the tale is nar' too long!

Em and Mum
stay at home
playing all the day.
Poor 'ol Dad
back to work
for meager little pay.

Dad and Mum
are now old hats
knowing what to do.
When the bottles dry
she starts to cry,
or is she full of poo?

Em's grown some
she's seven and one,
some of her clothes now fit!
We finally get
an outfit on,
lookout, up comes the spit!

Oh, there be highs,
and there be woes
in the tale of Emma's song!
It's getting cold,
She's six weeks old,
So the tale is nar' too long!

Hallow Eve is near,
and in their yard
Dad has made a sight!
Trick Treat we'll go
as ghosties glow,
givin' Em a fright!

She's been out,
and she's been back
to every crowded fair.
Fall has come
'n Mum and Dad
take her everywhere.

Her wide blue eyes
and dark brown hair
make people stop 'n smile.
they all confess
they've never seen
an uncommon little child!

Oh, there be highs,
and there be woes
in the tale of Emma's song!
But the highs are hiiiiiigh,
and the woes are niiiiiigh,
and the tale will be so long!
...And the taaale will beee so loooong!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I rented the newest Will Smith Movie over Easter weekend. Yes, I know it wasn't much of a "holiday themed" movie, but I wanted to see it, and missed it in the theatres.

All-in-all, I give it a fairly good rating. It seems to be a remake of Omega Man (starring good 'ol Chuck Heston). The general premise of this new version is that a scientist engineers a virus to cure cancer in 2009, and by 2012, 90% of the population of the WORLD dies while the remaining 10% have turned into bloodthirsty zombie-like creatures (altho WAY faster than Romero's kind). Only a handful (well, maybe a couple million, but that's a drop in the bucket when looking at the world-wide population) of people are immune to the virus and remain normal. Will Smith's character just happens to be the lead scientist looking for a cure to the virus when the plague started in 2009, and one of the lucky immune people. He also happens to be the last normal person left alive in New York, and as far as he knows, the world.

A few of my friends saw the movie and were disappointed, because the previews showed a lot of action, but the first half of the movie was basically how he survived day-to-day. Hunting, fortifying his house, researching the cure to the virus in his lab, and just dealing with the psychological pressures of being alone for 3+ years. (in one scene, he goes into a video store to get new movies to watch, and has apparently set up mannequins behind the counter and "browsing" in the store- and talks to them as if they were living people, just to not feel alone) I think the social and personal mental aspect statements were lost on my buddies watching the movie- they were looking forward to a shoot-em-up zombie flick. Some of that happens, but mostly in the last half of the movie.

I won't give away any spoilers, but I will say that if you've seen Omega Man, this movie parallels it quite a bit, including the ending.

I highly recommend this movie if you like post-apocalyptic dramas like Omega Man, Last Man on Earth, and a Boy and his Dog. If you are looking for a Resident-Evil gorefest, you might want to skip this one- this movie is more about the emotions of loneliness, fear, and loss than it is about anything else.

BLOG HASH: Baby's New Clothes...

I will begin moving over all my old blog posts from my other blog sites that people found amusing or entertaining. Maybe you missed one? I will start with the most recent ones and work backwards. You'll know it's an old blog- I will put BLOG HASH in the title, as well as the original post date in the body. Hope you enjoy!

ORIGINAL POST DATE- Wednesday March 5, 2008

Now that I've become a guru on baby clothes (ok slight embellishment), I feel it safe to comment on the industry as a whole, with a few itemized problems i have.

1. 3-6 MO. my ASS!
How come, when you buy something that says 3-6 months, sometimes it's made for a premature underfed Ethiopian baby, and other times it's sized for a overeating sumo-wrestler's kid? Yes, like "regular size" people, I know baby's come in all shapes and sizes. well, why not go to a measurement system like adult clothes? like, instead of "3-6 months", make it for "24 inches & up to 15 lbs"..etc. Does the baby-clothes-making-world need me to buy them a tape measure??

2. NOOOO!!! BUTTONS!!!!!! ARRRGH!!!!
I absolutely LOVE snaps, zippers, hell even have a few outfits with nothing but Velcro. but, for the love of all things holy, what the HELL is with the micro-buttons? I have freckles bigger than some of these things, and my giant-like fingers aren't nimble enough to manipulate them to get them open when I'm trying to put the outfit over my kid's head- not to MENTION to get them back closed when the outfit is on a child who wriggles more than the floor of Indiana Jone's Temple.

3. Front....or back????
I never read in the child-instruction-manual about the directional flip-flopping of baby clothes. Sometimes the zipper is in the front. sometimes it's in the back. Hell, i thought i did good and she looked pretty with her button-down (snaps!) dress and big bow on her butt...until my wife pointed out that that happened to be one of the ones that snapped..IN BACK. Ok, Ok..i now know to look for a tag or something printed in the clothes. but why do i have to go on a scavenger hunt for the tag every time i want to dress a baby?

4. "Built-In" panties- with NO flap!
Some of these outfits have cute little built-in bloomers under the dress. while darling and all, this does nothing to ease my anger at having to remove the ENTIRE outfit to change a diaper....and most of these, of course...have micro buttons!!

5. Whys i gotta match?
Daddy's dressing you now, honey. Yes I know baby outfits usually come all matchy in their colors and patterns. Well, if they're not together, i figure it's mix-or-match, right? apparently, according to my wife, that's wrong also. I SOO need baby- grranimals just so _I_ can dress her.

6. Where's your sock??
No matter how tight you roll the tops, or fold them down, or stretch them over her chubby cankles....a sock always comes off 5 minutes later without fail. where are the baby-garters that clip to her diaper?? I offered to use the staple-gun, but my wife ALSO didn't think that was a good idea.

7. New outfit- for me to puke on!
Murphy's law. Get her dressed and ready to look cute for an outing with grandma and grandpa- and 2 minutes before we get there is when she'll spit up, every time. But put her in ratty, ugly sleeper that has stains, and shes fine all day. Do they do it on purpose??? i think they DO...I'm WATCHING her....

That's all i can think of to rant about baby clothes right now...any other parents agree or have other issues?

Monday, March 24, 2008

dood, chk meh 1337

Altho this is my "first" post here, I have many backposts on other blogsites that I will try to re-add here from time - to - time.


We've all used text-message abbreviations such as LOL (laugh out loud) and OMG! (oh my gosh) well as a million other shorthand typings to be able to send a message quicker "wnt 2 come ovr 4 sum food?". Oh and let's NOT forget all the damn smileys! >:) :) :P
Well, there are 3 other levels of "pseudospeak" that I'd like to share with you today.

The first, if you've ever browsed or seen any of the "LOL Cats" pictures, you'll recognise what I'm talking about-"wy yoo luking at meh? am eyes not preddy?" It's an extremely funny- and "cute"- way of captioning pictures with adorable kitties and puppies. However, I've seen it in chatrooms, on posts, and worse yet- even in private emails to yours truly!!! THATS a little annoying. I'm sorry, but it actually takes MORE time to try and type something grammatically in error but phonetically close to the original word. If you're just trying to be 'cutesy' or funny for a response, i say it's OK. but don't type like that for the WHOLE friggin email or post, it makes it look like your mother is your fathers sister. -for all you texters, that means "WT".

The second is the crazy capitalization. anD doNt sAy YOuvE NEveR SEen SomeOne TYpe LikE ThiS. Again, I don't know why- maybe it's the little 'emo' boys and girls trying to get across how distorted their thoughts really are. For those of you in the dark- "emo" is just this decade's way of saying "goth" aka, from MY generation,- "punk"....and for you emo kids screaming at me now, YES it is the same- don't be mad to suddenly find out you're not really all THAT original.

The last is a little more creative, but none the less annoying. "31337", or "1337" for short (pronounced ELEET / LEET...="elite"). It's the hackers and hard-core gamers way of getting info across to each other without any "n00bs" (new-bies) being any wiser. Well, that's how it STARTED OUT when i was back cracking code on the commadore 64. but now, every little geek who thinks they're the $#17 uses it. It's basically a way of using other characters that resemble letters. for example, i use it sometimes when i wanna cuss in an email (like "$#17" above) that's going out to 'family-friendly' people or places. instead of saying 'asshole', I'll type @$$#013. you can still sort of read the word (with a little imagination, the 3 is a backwards E, the 1 is an l, etc...) there are countless ways to type things out in 1337, some more convoluted and intricate than others. here is a basic "alphabet" in just some of the ways to type in this language:

A= 4 /-\ @ ^ /\
B= 8 ]3 ]8 3 8
C= ( {
D= ) [} ) } > [>
E= 3
F= # =
G= 6 9 (_>
H= # - (-) )-( }{ {-} /-/ \-\
I= 1 !
J= _ j
K= < { L= 1 _ M= /\/\ \/ [\/ N= /\/ \ \ O= 0 () P= D * >
Q= 0,
R= 2 ? -
S= 5
T= 7 + ']'
U= (_) _ \_\ /_/
V= \/ \ /
W= \/\/ /\ [/\
X= >< }{ X
Y= '/ %
Z= 2 z

So- anyone out there excessively use any of these???

! /\ ! l_ l_ ) 3 $ 7 ® 0 ¥ ¥ 0 _